You feel like you have found the one of your dreams. They make you smile, laugh, they comfort you when you are down and you feel like you have it all figured out at 15. You see yourself with this person for the rest of your life. No one will ever make you as happy as they have; they are PERFECT in your eyes and are the only person that can make your world bright again. Have you been in THIS place before?

Well, I have ... on more than one occasion; even beyond my 15th year. Does losing your first love hurt? Hell yeah it does! Will the pain ever go away? Yes it will. How do I know? Because it is a part of life...a "right of passage" if you will.

When you have loved and lost, you begin to look at things differently. You understand the pain of love and at times will vow never to fall in love again...only to fall in love again. it's like riding a bike. The first couple of times you fell off; possibly bruised your leg or arm pretty bad and were afraid to get back on. However, with a determination to ride and encouragement from others, you made it. Your first ride without those training wheels that did not land you in the bushes was the height of your day.

Relationships and love have these same ups and downs. Please understand that all adults do not have this down to a science yet. Some of them are still harboring feelings for a lost love; thinking it was their fault; not being able to move beyond the disconnect. Some are still existing in relationships in which they are afraid to say what they mean, ask for what they want or even believe that they deserve to have it.

This type of behavior will only serve to push your farther and farther away from the relationship that is really right for you. You MUST identify what is truly important to you and be confident enough to ask for what you need and believe that you are worthy of receiving it. It may not come from the object of your affection but if you learn to see people for their truth and not their popularity...love will be so much more fulfilling for you. You don't want someone that is "perfect" for you...you want someone that is "perfectly IM-perfect" for you.

So, how do you grow through the pain of losing your first love:

1. You make a list of all of the good things about the relationship - what you liked, what made you happy, what made you smile.
2. You make a list of all of the things that you wish were different between both you and the other person; don't worry about being "shallow" just write the things down
3. Now create your Purrfectly Authentic Relationship™; "A Day in the Life of..." Create the story as though you were already living the relationship that you want; write it in the present tense. Don't leave out any detail. Write out the way you would feel when that person was around or not around. Write about how that person would talk to you, treat you, comfort you, etc. Leave no stone unturned.
4. Read through your story and see if the relationship that you were in or the person you were with are in alignment with what you REALLY want. If not, you now know what is important to you for your next relationship.
5. Also, take a look at the type of relationship that you say you want and ask yourself this question; "Am I the type of person that I wish to attract?" If not, take some time to make a few personal adjustments, make those changes that need to be made while at the same time loving yourself for choosing to "grow through" your experience. Appreciate the love that you had knowing that if you attracted that love...you will attract another one.

I know that it seems like it is the end of the world...but it really isn't. Take some time to grieve the loss, then get right back up there and get busy on your assignment above. In the long run, it's not the things in life that knock us down that govern our character, it's how we react to them.

Choose to live, to grow through your life experiences at an early age and when life throws you curve balls during your adult life...you will be better equipped to handle them.

Everything will be fine, you will fall in love again...many times and each one will seem like THE one. Learn to enjoy the relationship while it lasts, be your real self at all times and you will grow through the pain...I promise. NO ONE will be able to truly love you until YOU truly love and accept yourself.

Have any questions for me regarding how to "grow through" particular situations? Just ask. I will respond to any sincere questions...any foolishness will be deleted.