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We’ve all probably gone through this feeling at one time or another – amidst all the hustle and bustle of a seemingly great life, you still feel like something is missing.  There’s that little part of you that feels restless, even while everything else seems to be in place. Your mate and the kids “seem happy” with the job you are doing, home affairs appear to be running smoothly, and your career may even be at its peak.  Yet something still just doesn’t feel right, and you can’t quite figure out what that is.

 

 

You may be feeling this way because you have given blood, sweat and rivers of tears for the people you love but not for the person you should be loving the most – yourself!  This does not mean that you should only be thinking about yourself from now on. However, you, as the beautiful soul that you are, personally need undivided attention – you need to feed your body, soul and spirit because together they comprise the only YOU there is!

 

 

Most women find it difficult to focus on themselves and their needs due to societal conditioning. They constantly worry too much about things falling apart if they let go of feeling responsible for everyone else.  But think of how things will go completley haywire if you run your energy into the ground by attending to the needs of others and not your own.  Pretty soon your body and spirit will have to step in and create “me time” for you. This could mean that you will fall ill, begin to forget the important things or just feel plain’ole worn out.

 

 

When deciding to make the most important decision and the extremely valuable move to commit to your own personal needs and wants; you must be ready to release the “small ideas” you have had about your life. This is not about measuring up with some parameters for comparison – your happiness is not about keeping up with the Jones’; it’s about attaining daily habits and routines that allow your spirit to sing…everyday.  Life is not an uncharted race of trying to beat out somebody else; it’s about being happy with where you are in your life at any given moment.

 

 

You are a unique individual with needs that are different from everyone else. When you begin to focus on these, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel and how all of your relationships will improve.  Attending to our own personal needs and wants helps us identify where we have been standing in our own way and allows us to grow into the spirits that we have always wanted to be. Once you set out on the course to “radical transformation,” you may not like what you find immediately, but the journey of identifying your truth then living your life from it will be the greatest reward.

 

 

Be aware that you will definitely feel “uncomfortable” in the beginning. Beginning to take time out for you when you are use to doing things for everyone else can make you feel so guilty. And if you grew up in the church…you will struggle with the falacy of “by doing things for yourself, you are not being a good Christian”…NONSENSE!!!

 

 

Once I started to peel back the layers of my personality, removing the shackles of society, and discovered that I was not perfect…it was damn near devastating. I had such a hard time shifting my focus to me when all my life I had seemed to focus on everything and everyone else. But it has to be done, the choices and decisions you will begin to make will determine the roadmap ahead. Like me, I feel that once you really begin tothink about it, you will want to take on a path that will lead you to a greater sense of self-awareness, connection/reconnection you’re your truth and the courage to live your life according to what “feels good” to you. Take a look below at these radical transformation tips that will help you focus on yourself so you can begin to enjoy your life:

 

1.      Devote exclusive time for yourself each day. Set a definite hour for yourself alone and bask in an activity that you absolutely love.  It can be time in the tub, a walk in the park, a manicure at the salon, sitting on your patio sipping coffee and doing nothing else – whatever it is that pleases you. Do something strictly for pleasure and not to move you further along in your career or in your relationships. This time is strictly for you. Learn to play…hell, by a set of jacks or a tonka truck and get busy. You could also use this time to reflect in your journal, dream the biggest dream you can imagine, and write down all of the things you will do and have once your dream is realized.

2.      Give value to your overall needs, and be in-charge of them – the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional. Don’t make the mistake of thinking these needs are dependent on someone else or that you can only have satisfaction and happiness when somebody else does something to you or for you. You have the power within yourself to attain these needs and that is the only way you will become a whole person. Want to strengthen your relationship with self and show up to a dating situation whole…then (excuse my slang) but…get-chu some bidnez! Making the other person 100% responsible for your happiness is not attractive nor is it healthy.

3.      Feed your mind, body and spirit with good and healthy things.  Find positive energy to stimulate you, positive thoughts to motivate you and positive people to be around.  Feed your body well – eat healthy, taking in lots of fruits and vegetables and get plenty of water. Do like I do, since I don’t like to eat them, I blend them and drink them all together. Feed your mind with informative material. Read lots of motivational books, listen to audiobooks and attend pleasurable events.  I’m not one to read the newspaper or watch the news. How do I stay up on current events you ask? Trust me, there are tons of others who enjoy feeding their mind and spirit with the negativity of the world…if I want to know, I’m sure they will be willing to share. If you can’t detach from the news completely, at least limit the amount of time spent watching, listening or reading the news.

4.      Limit your time on the TV – if you need to, watch the “feel good” programs that let you laugh about life and stimulate your spirit. Listen to soothing music. Music has that magical ability to relax or stimulate your mind, depending on what you need at that particular moment.

5.      Spend time doing something you love.  If you are able to do it daily, do so. It can be a hobby like people watching (oh wait…that’s one of mine…giggle) gardening or a creative pastime like painting, pottery or craftworks.  Whenever your creative outbursts are at their peak, translate that into action; whatever that means to you. It’s always nice to be doing something beautiful.

6.      Create your own gratitude journal. Did you know that a lot of bestselling motivational books started from the authors’ personal gratitude journal? You can begin to write down even just five things you’re grateful for each day. Pretty soon, you’ll see your list growing and you’ll begin to notice how good it is to focus on the positive things in this world. I bet you’ll be writing longer reflections and short stoties in no time because you’ll be writing about the good things rather than dwelling on the occasional obstacles of life.

 

There really is no better way to take good care of yourself than focusing on your needs and wants. Feeding yourself constantly allows you meet the challenge of each new day with a positive attitude and a happy heart – fully content with where you are at each present moment. And when you are ready to kick it up a notch and “Radically Transform” your life…you know where to find me. You can reach out to me directly or radically transform in the comforts of your own home. The choice of HOW you do it is yours…all I ask it that you step up to the plate and “MAKE IT HAPPEN!”

 

        

Not too long ago, I browsed through my past monthly online calendars and noticed several names of very important and not so important people. There were also lots of birthday dinners, luncheon meetings, trips to the bank, pro bono coaching sessions, runs to the supermarket and mall to get stuff that others wanted/needed – but they far outnumbered the entries for the most important person in my life…ME!

 

As I am now undergoing a radical transformation in my life, I have had plenty of time to reflect on my past daily behavior and rearrange my days according to what feeds my spirit and moves me in the direction of my goals and dreams.  I have also noticed that over the course of the past two plus years I’ve been doing tons of things based on what was needed for everyone else, including my largest client that started out as a great idea but ended up being the most difficult “class” I have taken in “the school of life.” How could I not have honored what was needed for my spirit? Easy…everything else took precedence ~ I kept stating that one day I would set aside time for me.

 

 

 

I’ve since decided that from this point on, I’m going to add “Anita” to my weekly schedule and set aside precious time out of my week “just for me!” If I thought all those names were important enough to placed in my calendar, then “Anita” certainly deserves to have a regular spot because I am the most important pereson in MY life.

 

There will always be meetings to attend, things needed by others, obligations that you can’t just “blow off” so why not carve out a little time for yourself.  While it would be nice of others to remind us to do this for ourselves…it is our ultimate responsibility to take the time we need to nourish our own bodies, mind and soul.  Let’s not get it twisted…of course, I can now decide to do something for myself at any given moment due to the new flexibilty – but by nature, I am the type of person who’d find something else to do that I feel is “more important.” This usually means that I have a tendency to fill in those empty time slots doing things for other people OR those things that other’s could be doing for me.  By making a date with myself, I am consciously allotting valuable time for my body, mind and spirit to recharge.

 

Time for me means doing anything that gives me pleasure without the guilt and the pressure.  It could be a whole afternoon spent watching my favorite television shows on On Demand or getting a full body massage at the spa.  I could also decide to do some yoga to sweat out the toxins and burn away my stress or jump on the train and go visit a historic town and be a tourist for the day. Sitting at my favorite café with my delicious cup of coffee is also precious time spent for me; because it’s something I absolutely love doing. So the truth is, it could be anything at all – as long as it is something that will not make me think of the “I should have or could haves”.

 

During my ‘just for me’ moments, I tend to spend quite a bit of time soul-searching. I take a moment to look deep down inside to assess my strengths and talents and ask myself what more am I willing to give, with pleasure. I look at my interactions with others and now make my decisions on what “feels good” to me; not out of any sense of obligation or fear of the loss of anything. Once determined, I gently remove those people, obligations or energy vampires from my space.  After reassessing the past couple of years of my life and where I placed my energy, I now truly understand the following…

 

• “Just for ME time” is the most important time you could ever schedule
• “Just for ME time” allows you the time to really connect with your truth
• “Just for ME time” if used for self-reflection, allows you to see where you are wasting energy on activities, people and obligations
• “Just for ME time” is a very healthy stress-reducer

 

When it’s time for my ‘just for ME” moments, I now see to it that I delegate tasks to others; those that I do not like to do as well as those that someone else can do for me. I am certain to decline invitations that would otherwise get in the way of my very important date with me. If you are not use to setting aside “just for ME” time, it would be a very healthy and simple habit to form and such a way to honor you.

 

Life is about finding out what brings you pleasure. Life is about loving what you do; not just doing what brings in the most money or has the best title. Life is a journey without a specific destination; it’s about enjoying the trip as well as the layovers. What has YOUR life been about? Running the rat-race doing things for others? Things that don’t feed your spirit? Things that ultimately drive you to bad health; migraines, digestive problems, ulcers, etc.? When do you think you will be ready to honor your spirit by setting aside your own “just for ME time?”

 

        

Ok, if you live in Chicago or have visited and have ever taken the CTA vs. the Metra train…you know what I mean by “Soul Train.”  I was on the green line coming in to work today.  Since I have shared with God, the Universe, the Cosmos (essentially anyone that will listen or remotely pretends to be interested) what I know to be my passion and purpose and have been working diligently in preparation for it…wonderful things have started happening.  I connected with a wonderful accountability group, I won a month of FREE coaching with one of my favorite author/mentors ~ Charles Major; author of Become A Mogul; connected with a wonderful VA and my most DIRECT message from God coming to me this morning while riding the “Soul Train.”

Here is what happened.  For those of you that don’t know, my passion is teaching others to become aware of their truth, connect with their spirits, love themselves unconditionally then learn how to connect with others in various types of relationships.  I am happy to go by the titles of “The Self-Awareness and Relationship Transformation Coach; or my newly created one of CRO ~ Chief Relationship Officer.  This is who I am and what I do…even in my sleep, so this morning’s event was quite a confirmation.

As I sat on the train, sipping my coffee and preparing to read my magazine a very mature (senior citizen) woman sat next to me.  She first complimented me on the fact that we both wore lime green this morning, proceeded to ask me where she should get off of the train to get to the McCormick place then kept on talking…and talking…and talking.  I recognized quickly that I would have to learn how to be “fabulously dressed for less” at another time.

She told me about her marriage, her husband’s death, and her grand kids and then … that’s when God began to use her to deliver his message to me.  Immediately, I recognized his voice because he was answering and addressing the questions I had posed not only on last night but on many nights before.  Am I on purpose? Working a 9-5 full time during the day then continuing through half the night to work on my passion…am I crazy, delusional or is there a divine reason for this?  I want this work to source my life 100%...will I be able to add value? I listened intently without interruption as Judy ~ a.k.a. God’s messenger ~ began to speak to my heart and answer my questions both directly and indirectly.

She talked about the plight of relationships in today’s times, how people don’t understand themselves first, why marriages fail, why singles are still single, why children are raised in so many broken homes and how things should be different.  She told me how she was headed to a senior citizen event at the McCormick place and how she thought that the individual in charge should also look to have someone speak on the topic of relationships, dating and marriage because that is what she felt was needed.  She also felt that these events should be free of charge as well and that it would help to raise the “awareness” of a person’s truth about relating to others.  Can you see where God was going with this?

At that moment, I shared with her my passion.  We discussed the specifics of what I do, why I do it and what my plans are for the future.  We talked about how teaching others about self-awareness should be a public crusade and that it should start as early as high school, on to college for singles, couples, engaged individuals, married, divorced and even widowed; regardless of their lifestyle.  We both agreed that the least common denominator in all is that we all want LOVE and we need to be taught how to love ourselves first…then how to give and receive from others!!!

As I prepared to get off at my stop, she asked me if I had 2 cards so that she could keep one and give the other to the person – the right hand to the mayor – for today’s event and suggests that she reach out to me. I gave her 2 cards and wrote my new website address down www.anitacharlot.com and I just happened to have a copy of my book The 5 Phases of Dating with me that I gave to her as well. She was too excited to have met someone famous – giggle – I was way to humbled to think of myself as such. I’m just a woman that searched in so many different places, even knocked on hell’s door a couple of times…all for love (or the perceived lack of it) and finally found it…in myself.  I only want to assist others in doing the same by teaching them early on about themselves and relationships to minimize the amount of time they are “wandering in the wilderness.”

So you see God rode the “Soul Train” with me today.  Through Judy, my passion was confirmed.  I am doing the work that I was put here to do.  Not only is the news of my passion and purpose spreading through my website, my Blog Talk Radio show ~ Anita Charlot – Living Purrfectly Authentic, my clients by word of mouth…but a little old lady on the train is now a marketer as well.  When you align yourself with your purpose and you move in the direction of it…God, the Universe, the Cosmos, the Internet…heck, even the senior citizens rejoice and come together to open doors on your behalf. What a wonderful day today has been. Now…if that had only been Oprah!!!  Giggle.

Have you identified YOUR passion? Will you hear God’s answer to your prayers today? Ask, Believe and Receive is the motto for Anita Charlot International. Are you ready to ask the right questions? Believe that the answers are coming? Be open to receiving them when they do?  Now is the time.

Hugs

        

In order to build a solid foundation in any relationship, whether it's a marriage, friendship or a relationship with a sibling or child, you must learn to love unconditionally without limits or judgment.

 

Loving someone unconditionally can be hard to do and goes against the grain you were probably taught in today's Western society. Society tells you to get even or get revenge. However, to love unconditionally requires forgiveness and letting go of the perceived wrong ~ most times it is our perception of a situation that makes it wrong, that doesn’t necessarily mean that is was.

 

So How Do You Love Unconditionally?

 

What's required to show someone unconditional love when you're in a relationship? Being there physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, through thick and thin, no matter what may happen ~ and according to your spirits truth ~ is unconditional love.

 

·         Physically: Being "there" for someone physically means just what the word implies. You're there for them in person, standing by their side, listening to them, or talking with them so they're not alone. This may be at three in the afternoon, or three in the morning! It is also a good idea to ask the person “What hat would you like me to wear?” and then put THAT hat on.  This insures that  you provide exactly what they need at that particular time.

·         Emotionally: When you're with someone emotionally, you're offering your support by allowing them to honestly and openly express their feeling. Supporting someone emotionally with unconditional love also means that you're there selflessly to help them work through their feelings. The goal is for the person to rise above the negative emotions and turn them into positive ones. You're the shoulder to cry on!

·         Mentally: Supporting a loved one mentally means that you help them think through their actions, motives, and desires. You help them do this by finding out what's going on inside. To support someone mentally requires you to help your loved one process their thoughts through to all possible outcomes. By being exactly who you need them to be in that moment…ASK!

·         Spiritually: Spiritually supporting a loved one means you pray for and with them and help them grow in all aspects of their life - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Often spiritual support is given without a person being aware, through prayer or sending of positive energy or intentions; basically holding them in a positive space.

Unconditional love does not mean, however, giving into every whim or desire. Often people confuse unconditional love with spoiling. Giving into a person's every want or desire when it isn't appropriate can actually harm their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being. For example, giving into your kid's demands for junk food may make them happy today, but it isn't a good source of nourishment in the long run.

Letting Go

True love is shown when you try to help another become a better person and unconditional love is shown when you still love them even if they refuse to change. Always agreeing with the person without pointing out their truth doesn’t help them…it perpetuates a false sense of self.  Support their truth whenever appropriate.

Many times it's necessary to "let go" of a loved one, while still loving them unconditionally, because they refuse to take the necessary steps to improve. An example of this would be an alcoholic or drug addict. You still love the person, but when they refuse to work at overcoming their addiction or don't care about themselves or who they're hurting, you must let go. Sometimes this means, letting them spiral down until they hit rock bottom. Often you get hurt in the process because you love them and don't want to see them go down this road, so loving unconditionally also means that you'll be there for them when they're ready to try again.

Love isn't an emotion or feeling - it's a choice. This is especially true with unconditional love. In relationships, you show unconditional love by overlooking petty mistakes and forgoing judgment and grudges. Unconditional love requires self-sacrifice and forgiveness on your part and it's through unconditional love that those you care about will change for the better.

 

Self-reflection questions:

1.       Do you provide unconditional love for yourself? For others?

2.       What steps can you take today to practice love for yourself? For others?

3.       If you have been beating yourself up for something you have done in the past…are you ready to forgive and love yourself unconditionally?

a.        Can you do this for others?

 

 

Affirmation ~

 

Today, I will begin to love myself unconditionally.  I realize only by loving myself unconditionally first will I be able to pass this type of love on to others.

        

Change the way you look at yourself...and everything else will change.

On many occasions, we allow our actions to be ruled by our emotions. In case you were not aware, negative thoughts and feelings have a detrimental effect on every aspect of our lives, from family to our work and social lives.

What would things be like if we transformed negative thoughts into positive ones? If you change the way you look at yourself...everything around you will change.

Living in the present and having a positive outlook about our future can help us reach goals we once thought were impossible. Living in the past only weighs us down and keeps us stuck in a perpetual loop of blame, pity and projection.

Having a brighter outlook on life can open our eyes to more possibilities and encourage us to move in new and exciting directions.

How can you attain a better outlook on life? It all has to do with the way you see yourself. Having a positive and outgoing attitude is the key to changing your self-concept, boosting your income, maintaining a healthy level of self-preservation and improving your life.

Here are some techniques you can use to boost your attitude:

1. Get control. Figure out the things that make you unhappy then ask yourself… “How can I change this into something positive?” A positive outlook can change everything in your life – you just need to believe in yourself first. Loving yourself is the only way you're going to allow others to see you in a positive light as well. If you project negativity, you'll be viewed as a negative person and let’s face it – who wants to be around a negative person. Realizing you can't control how others think and feel about you is critical to getting control of yourself. As Marianne Williamson once said..."If the train doesn't stop at your station...it's NOT YOUR TRAIN!" Get up and get on with your life. You and only you have the power to make yourself happy. Avoid doing something for the sole purpose of making someone else happy. It must be about you. This isn't about being selfish; it's about being true to you and I like the term self-preserving.
2. Change the way you think. Negative thoughts beget negative actions. Make a conscious effort to change the way you react and deal with situations. Look for the silver lining instead of focusing on the negative attributes of situations and people.If you think positively, you'll act positively.Those positive thoughts and actions will keep many anxieties at bay. Through positive thoughts and actions, anything can become a reality ~ you can be, do or have ANYTHING you desire.
3. Be your own cheerleader. You're your own best cheering section. So many times in life, the things we do go unrecognized by others, whether it's at home or work. When this happens, step in and praise yourself! Stand in front of the mirror first thing in the morning. Look yourself straight in the eye and tell yourself exactly what you would love to hear from others. Feel the positivity building up inside you. You won’t be able to stop the good feeling and the smile that will come on your face. If it has been a long day; stand in front of the mirror upon arriving home, in the restaurant, at the truck stop or wherever you find a mirror and reenact the portions of your day that did not go as planned. Only this time, speak of them as you would have liked them to be. Result, big smile of satisfaction. Private affirmations can make you feel better about yourself when others fail to verbalize their gratitude. Give yourself as many as you need…you will never get tired of hearing them. By actively projecting a positive outlook of yourself, you will push yourself further to do better the next time. Doing so will also bring you the confidence to explore more areas in life.
4. Dream it into reality. Misery loves company, and if you believe you'll never achieve anything, you can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dream big and dream often!

Figure out what you want in life, and set your dreams into motion. Want a better job? Take the necessary steps to make it happen. You're the biggest obstacle holding you back. Want to find your passion? Start volunteering in different arenas in order to get your feet wet. What are you waiting for?

A positive attitude can change your job situation, relationships, and life. If you feel better about yourself, other people will feel the good vibrations you're giving off. You'll appear more confident and have a better chance of taking on whatever life throws at you. You will attract to you that in which you put out. Put out feelings of insecurity ~ you will attract another with the same. Put out feelings of self-preservation, love of self and integrity ~ you will attract the same. You actually get what you FEEL about! Start feeling positive!

If you believe in yourself, you can continue to accomplish bigger and better things. Whether you're working to advance yourself in your present job or starting an entirely new career, your self-confidence and positive attitude will increase your income.

Your fresh outlook will energize your work and stimulate your creativity. As you continue to boost your attitude on a daily basis, you'll see that your optimism will soon lead you to bigger and better income opportunities as well!

To your success!

        

Here is my response to the 2nd in a 3 part series from my good friend DJ Vince Adams.  If you haven't read it already...please check it out at...

http://djvinceadams.wordpress.com/2009/07/09/an-open-letter-to-women/

Ok, I've been sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for Part Two of your Open Letter Series...and this one hit HARD just as I suspected.  Kudos to you for being so in-tune with the nature of relationships and specifically for what has been a focus of my coaching practices for the past ten years...SELF AWARENESS.

As you know and I've shared with you and others...I have walked both sides of the dating fence.  I left the world of men thinking that I could not find what I needed; having been scorned in the past and after having dated several BUSTERS...I was fed up completely.  As a result, I turned to what I thought would be better...dating women.

During this time, I witnessed every single thing you have mentioned here.  I thought dating women would be easier, that they would know what to do and how to be there, nurturing, supportive, compassionate ~ why not...they were women.  But what I found during that time...was MYSELF.

I tried on "several different hats" trying to find the "right one" only to realize that I was NOT the type of person that would be attractive to what I was actually looking for.  Luckily for me, while working on my degree in Metaphysics, my coursework took me on a "deep dive" into my psyche and my spirit.  What I saw there wasn't pretty ~ The Journey Through My Heart http://site.anitacharlot.com/Relationships.html ~ was a true eye-opener for me.

I was forced to deal with myself; face myself and the people around me.  I began to get in touch with my truth, ask others to tell me about me...and then looked at those in my immediate circle.  If they were not taking accountability for their actions...I decreased the amount of time around them.  As I became more in touch with my truth and tried to live that truth with my old crowd...they were not having it.  Therefore, as I grew, I had to walk away from those "friendships that were not consistent to who I wanted to become.

Through ALL of my tenure on the other side, I learned the difference between dating as a woman in touch with her true identity - one that was self aware - and dating as an "Uncompromising Woman" http://site.anitacharlot.com/Uncompromising.html  - one that was not budging for anyone based on previous pain or having to be “strong” for so long. 

I took time to get in touch with me so that I could help my clients get in touch with themselves.  I work on becoming more and more self-aware and living my life from it.  I took the time to learn the "energy of men" and recalibrated my energy to be in alignment.  And ladies...alignment doesn't mean submissive...to me it means wanting to show up clearly as love, to relate with love, to share love...all for the sake of love.  Not necessarily to get the man to fall in love...but just BEING LOVE ITSELF. In my practice as the Self-Awareness and Relationship Transformation Coach, I work with clients to assist them in recognizing how they are standing in their own way of receiving what it is they REALLY want since they do not yet recognize who they REALLY ARE!

Confident, Self-Aware, Compassionate, Nurturing, Loving, Kind, Able to Articulate your truth without being Overbearing WOMAN that you CAN BECOME...show up to grow up and into awareness of yourself...no matter where you are in your life's journey. You would be surprised at the turn your life – relationships on all levels – will take.

Vince...Hugs to you...you always have been and will continue to be a wonderful man!!! Looking forward to Part III.

        

This is my response to a wonderful blog entry by my good friend Vince regarding the nature of the male/female relationship. Enjoy! http://djvinceadams.wordpress.com/2009/07/06/an-open-letter-to-men/<< MORE >>

Mothers have feelings too!

Click edit above to add content to this empty capsule.

It is Mother’s Day and I’m lying here in the bed with my 4-month-old yorkie reminiscing about Mother’s Days of the past.  The little cards the children made at school with misspelled greetings “Happy Mother’s Day Mom…I Lover You;” “Happy Mother’s Day Mom, You’re the Beast!”  What about the heart made of clay that could also double for an ashtray?  Remember those?!?!?

As the boys grew older they felt that they were too big to make homemade cards, yet not big enough to go to the store (without me or my partners having to drive them) to pick up a card of their own.  I was so disappointed when they didn’t take the time to do so OR to at least make me breakfast in bed.  Cap’n Crunch in a big soup bowl with lots of milk and ice would have meant the world to me.

Even in the technology age when they could very easily send me a text message or an ecard…I waited patiently yet secretly setting myself up to NOT expect anything so as not to be disappointed again.  I started on many occasions to forget their birthdays or worse, Christmas with the same blasé attitude as they had when it came to those days that were special to me.

It is now 9:44am and I have yet to receive a Happy Mother’s Day from either of them.  I’m sure they are still sleeping from having stayed up all night being a young college man and a teenager; even a text at midnight would have been wonderful.  Am I a little sad…seems like it huh? Ok, maybe a little but one would think I’ve grown accustomed to it now.

There are so many things we do, put up with, overlook, excuse as parents that during times when we should speak up or do the unthinkable to teach those around us how their actions really hurt us beyond our words…we don’t.  We feel as though as mothers, wives, girlfriends, friends that if we lead by example then we will be just like those we consider being perpetrators.  How fair is this to your truth? Do you know your truth? Are you Living Purrfectly Authentic?

As I type this blog I envision a moment in time when my TRUE Mother’s Day is laid out somewhat in this fashion…

I awake to the smell of breakfast, fresh fruit, and coffee with my favorite creamers.  My husband has surprised me and has made sure the children were all present; mine and his with gifts, love, hugs and kisses.  As I make my way down the stairs to the kitchen there are streamers, balloons, banners wishing me the best Mother’s Day ever. There are life size posters of special moments captured during the kids’ lives as well as parental moments shared between my husband and me.

They each take turns for a Mother’s Day roast in sharing their most treasured moment and the worst moment.  They recall times when I acted like a crazed-woman when having to discipline them for one reason or another as well as a time when they thought that I would have hit the roof but somehow managed to keep it all together. 

This is my Mother’s Day vision of some time in the future.  A day where I am truly the star, where I come first, where I am acknowledged for all of the hard work, sacrifice, love, understanding, nurturing, compromising that I have done throughout my families lifetime.  To truly be honored on the one day that is set aside to honor ME for all that I have been and continue to be for my family. 

As I sit there trying to eat my food before it gets cold while tears of joy, laughter, adoration and sheer love run down my face…I am so grateful.  I’m grateful for all of the time that we spent together and the time that we spent apart.  I’m grateful for having taken my time in dating after divorce and years of searching for love to have allowed God to bring the right man into my life who has since become my husband.  I am grateful for all of the women that have crossed my path and have taught me so many things about love from a different point of view.

I am grateful for all of my many lessons; no matter how painful they were and the opportunity to make it through those lessons being so much more in tuned with the reality of who I am.  I am grateful for all of the individuals that have crossed my path, whether people I have met along my journey or particular “high profile” people that have mentored me along the way.

But most of all, I am grateful for the ability to control my own mind; for the ability and the courage to speak my mind no matter how difficult and for the blessing of being in my RIGHT mind so that I can continue to create the life that I want based on the truth of what I need in order to live the quality of life that I long for. 

To all mothers out there everywhere, regardless to whether or not your mothers day is what you had hoped it to be, know that you are the energy that holds it all together, you are the woman that has given birth to not only your own children but to all children that have crossed your path.

Whether you have given birth to your own children, have fostered countless children, have adopted a child, have taken over parenting a family members child, have inherited children due to a relationship or marriage, work with children or adults that act like children, you are a mother and today is your day.

And before you begin to look at today’s events and wish that they were different…know that you have made a difference in a child’ life somewhere and for that alone…you are a walking personification of the quintessential woman…Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Anita Charlot

The Self-Awareness and Relationship Transformation Coach

www.anitacharlot.com

        

This has to be one of my favorite topics as well as workshops to facilitate. I love the look on the clients or participants faces as they are shown on several different occasions that they did not truly know how to define the terms that they use almost every day. How is this so?

Well, once upon a time long ago, for the sake of conformity we were taught to think as everyone else. We each developed our own individual elevator speeches surrounding particular descriptions of our every day relationships. If you were asked what type of personality traits you would want a particular person in your life to possess, I am sure you could rattle off at least 10 without taking a breath. The fun part here is actually getting you to define those 10 things in detail. This is where the work begins.

Many of my one on one clients or workshop participants has told me before embarking upon this assignment that they thought it was irrelevant to the workshop, felt it was a waste of their time and money and that they could think of other ways to spend our time together.This took me by surprise the first time I was attacked with these comments; however I knew the importance of it. I now expect and welcome this type of reaction and look forward to changing their minds only 15 minutes within the definition exercise. Once asked to define terms they used to describe personality traits; the first response is to define the term using the very term again in the definition. Since the actual word itself is off limits for use in the definition, they are forced to really sit with the word for a while and try it again.

It usually takes several brainstorming efforts in order to come up with a definition that they are satisfied with and that meets the criteria that I am looking for, however, here is where the surprise factor comes in - the actual definition that they gave for the word on the table at that moment is not the definition of that word but that of something else. They are amazed and a little embarrassed to recognize that one of the reasons why they never seemed to connect with a person that exhibited this trait is that they had not defined the term enough to know it when they saw it. This has brought about both positive and negative results.

The participants then go back over the list of individuals that they deemed as not having these traits while comparing their new definition of those traits. They are bewildered when they realized that some of the individuals did in fact encompass the “essence” of what they were looking for, it was the participant that had not gone deep enough into defining the terms to see it. They also didn't’t realize that even though they stated one particular trait they actually wanted something else.

As a result, some participants are moved to tears, others to laughter and countless others to their own personal A-HA! moments. I love it when I get this reaction. Something that started out as so unimportant and so trivial turned out to be a major point of reference to begin further dialog throughout the rest of the session. It opens up the floor and the hearts of those in attendance; it even mellows out the biggest skeptic of the group.

Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship;whether business, personal or otherwise. Without clear communication needs are not met, business deals are lost, trust is broken, intimate relationships and friendships are destroyed; etc. It is very important to know how your Purrfectly Authentic ™ self defines the terms you use to define the personality traits for all of your relationships.

Communicating Purrfectly Authentic ™ takes you back to the basics. In this workshop, I have the participants start over from scratch learning how to define and be okay with their definition of certain terms as they relate to them individually. It no longer matters what you were told when you were a child, what you believed during your teenage years, what you experience during your early adulthood…the only thing that matters at that moment, is how you wish to define that particular term at that time. It doesn't’t matter whether or not your definition makes sense to anyone else but you…if that is truly what the definition of that particular term means in your spirit then own it; accept it and live Purrfectly Authentic ™ in acceptance of it.

This workshop can be tailored to fit a range from one-on-one coaching session to a large group. Contact Anita for more information and for Anita’s availability.

        

Have you ever set out for your destination in your car, arrive there and the only thing you remember after getting in the car is putting on your seat belt? Do you look back over your life and wonder where the time, your youth, your toned physique or your money went – as if you were completely absent from day your life for sporadic even extended periods of time? If so, then there's a very good probability you're not living Purrfectly Authentic much less aware. Living Purrfectly Authentic is being aware of your life and the things you're doing. It's about taking the time to stop and smell the roses so you can see where you fit into the whole picture. << MORE >>